Broken Hallelujah

On May 11^th, around 1 am, my world turned completely upside down. My 22 year old brother, Cory Frick, was killed in an ATV accident. Two days later, I left for Africa to spend two weeks doing mission work in a place I had never been, with a group of people I didn’t know. Talk about a crazy couple of days.

Upon hearing the news of my brother, I went into shock. I was feeling every emotion possible, but mainly confusion. I kept asking God over and over again, “Why? Why did this have to happen?” Every time I tried to pray, that’s all that came out of my mouth. Why? It didn’t make sense. My brother had just gotten his life together; a brand new job, was settling down...everything. He had his entire life ahead of him. Not to mention he was MY brother. I wanted him there with me and I didn’t understand why God would take him away from me and my family.

While my world was crashing around me, and it seemed like that God wasn’t there because He wasn’t providing me with immediate answers to the questions I had.

As if all of this wasn’t enough, two days later, I got on a plane to fly 16 hours away to Zambia.

I didn’t fully understand what went on during those two days until I was on the plane, thousands of feet in the air, when I suddenly had a realization. People kept telling me how “strong” I was being and how “inspirational” I was for still going to Africa. But the truth is, I don’t remember ever making a conscious decision to continue with my trip. A lot of those two days between my brother’s death and leaving for Zambia are a blur. On that plane, I realized it was because I was at my weakest, which meant God was at his strongest. I was an emotional 19 year old who wasn’t thinking straight and having trouble forming complete sentences, so I know my actions were not a result of my own strength.

While all I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and try and wake up from this awful nightmare, He gave me strength to be around my friends and family. I felt like I could barely stand up, and there He was, holding me up each minute. There were, and are still, times when I realize this new reality and it gets hard to breathe; however, almost immediately after, I get a sense of peace like no other. He never gave me the option of whether I wanted to go to Zambia or not; instead, He provided people to get everything I needed and pack my bags, He gave me peace while driving away from my home, and He gave me strength to say goodbye to my parents at the airport. The best and funniest part about all of it is, I had absolutely no idea what was going on until I was thousands of feet in the air.

When I had that realization, I understood that God had not left my side for even a second during the past two days. He had been there, every step of the way. He didn’t let me realize “oh my gosh, I’m on the way to Africa with a group of people I don’t know when my brother just died and all I want to do is be at home with my family” until it was too late for me to turn back. God’s pretty smart that way.

However, God knew exactly what He was doing when He took me to Africa. He surrounded me with families that were a constant source of wisdom, love, and encouragement. He surrounded me with a team that consistently pointed me back to Jesus no matter how frustrated, upset, or confused I got with my current situation. He surrounded me with people of various ages and various backgrounds that reassured me that God is a good God who loves His children and has a wonderful plan for them.

One of the biggest things I’ve realized is that God continues to pursue and talk to us, regardless of if we are pursuing Him. While I would love to sit here and tell you that I never questioned God’s will and seeked God continuously while everything was going on, that would be a huge lie. I wasn’t necessarily mad at God for taking my brother, because I knew deep in my heart that God’s will is perfect and He doesn’t make mistakes. However, that didn’t mean I had a whole lot to say to Him. Even though I was barely saying anything other than “I don’t understand” to Him, He was teaching me so much.

God used one particular conversation I had with the mother of one of the missionary families, Kerri, to speak to me clearly and give me a peace that surpasses all understanding. First, we were talking about the Book of Job. In this book of the Bible, Satan goes to God and God suggests that Satan tempt a man named Job, who was blameless in the sight of God. I absolutely could not understand why God would allow, even suggest, that Satan tempt Job. (Satan does a pretty nasty job of destroying Job’s life…look it up!) Upon discussing it with Kerri, she explained that she believed it was because God saw the entire picture- He had a heavenly perspective instead of an earthly one. He knew that Job wasn’t going to break over Satan’s temptations. Also, God used this incident to prove to Job, as well as Satan, who the one in control was and who would ultimately receive the glory. For me, this reminded me that God sees the entire picture, while I can only see bits and pieces. He understands how my brother’s death is going to bring Him glory and how I will be sanctified in the process. I can’t have all the answers because I'm living day by day, while God knows what’s going to happen tomorrow, next month, and 50 years down the road. I shouldn’t trust in my own understanding because I have such a limited view, but I can trust in God’s understanding because He is all-knowing.

We also talked about one of Kerri’s friends whose five month old baby passed away. She explained to me that her friend came home from the hospital, yet seemed to be relatively at peace with her situation. Her friend explained that during times like these, we are forced to pick: either God is good and faithful all the time, or He is good and faithful none of the time. There is no gray area. This seemingly simple concept astounded me. I was in the position to make the same choice and I, along with Kerri’s friend, chose to believe that God is good and faithful all the time. Making this choice helped me realize that God is good at ALL TIMES, even the second it took for my brother to wreck. He was good when my family and I learned of the news. He was good at the funeral. He was good when I boarded the plane and left America. His character NEVER changes, and knowing this gives me the most amazing sense of peace.

Knowing that God’s character is always good and always faithful helps me realize a lot. First, God cares about my pain. He desires to lift my burden and walk through this with me. He wants me to talk to Him about it. Second, God doesn’t make mistakes. He wasn’t caught off guard when Cory appeared in Heaven because he was well aware what was going to happen in the early morning of May 11^th. That being said, that means this is a part of His wonderful and perfect plan for my life. I can find comfort in knowing that God has incredible plans to use Cory’s life and death to bring Him glory, and I get to be a part of that.

While yes, I do have a peace that surpasses all understanding about Cory’s death, that doesn’t mean I’m not still struggling. I miss my brother, and I hate having a part of my heart and family missing. But thanks to Jesus, my brother’s life didn’t end of May 11^th. He is living with Christ, looking down on me and my family, cheering us on, and I can’t wait to see him again someday. Here in my weakness and brokenness, I can still say Hallelujah, God be praised. 

R.I.P. Cory Justin Frick

April 12th, 1992- May 11th, 2014

un·fail·ing; adjective.

Something that I’ve been realizing lately is that God’s love is pretty hard to comprehend. He loves us infinitely more than we can imagine, longs to hear from us, has our best interest at heart and wants to give us an abundant life.  He loves us this much even though we constantly neglect him, tell him He’s wrong, sin against him, and don’t follow Him. None of it makes sense. 

Realizing how crazy this concept was, I have been praying that God will help me understand His love better and for me to know undoubtedly that He loves me like crazy.  Because He’s a loving God who wants His children to know Him, He answered my prayer and blew my mind in the process.

Those who say that the Bible is a living text are 100% accurate. Things that you pass over without much thought one day will stop you dead in your tracks the next. This has been my case with the phrase “unfailing love.”

I had never really noticed this phrase before, even though it’s in the Bible at least 40 times. (and because it’s written so many times, I’m willing to bet there’s some truth behind it!) As I was doing my devotions, I kept seeing “unfailing love” over and over again until it was impossible NOT to notice that God was trying to show me something.

Without much thought, I reached the conclusion that God’s love is unfailing. But I still didn’t quite understand what it meant. So, being the nerd I am, I defined it to see if it would give me any insight and what I found stopped me dead in my tracks. 

un·fail·ing

adjective \ˌən-ˈfā-liŋ\

: never changing or becoming weaker even in difficult times

: always providing enough of what is needed

I don’t know about you, but I think that definition is AWESOME in this context. It show’s a lot about God’s love, which is probably why it’s in the bible so many times. Here’s what I got out of it: 

• God’s love is never changing. It’s constant through the ages, meaning the God that led the Israelites out of Egypt is the same God who loves you. The same God that sent His only son to die on a cross loves you. He loves you regardless of how many times you mess up, sin against him, or run away from Him.  
• Romans 8:38-39 says "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

•   He never becomes weaker in difficult times. When you’re struggling, God still has all the power in the universe. He has the ability to handle any situation you encounter, regardless of size. When you are at your weakest, that is when God is at his strongest in you!
•   2 Corinthians 12:8-10 says “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 

•   God always provides enough of what is needed. And you know what we, as humans, need the most? Grace and forgiveness. You can never out sin God’s grace. When it comes to forgiveness, the bible doesn’t say that God only forgives certain sins. Instead, it shows that God delights in showing mercy for ALL SIN on those who confess their sin and repent.
• Micah 7:18-19 says “Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.”

 I know there are times when you don't "feel" God's love, but God isn't a feeling. You have to rest on the truth of His character, which means knowing that He loves you unconditionally, at all times, and that's never going to change.
-Taylor

They call me a Hopeless Romantic...

The countdown to Valentine’s Day (or Single Awareness Day…you choose) is officially on, and there only six more days until chocolate, flowers, and huge stuffed teddy bears take over the nation. With this upcoming pandemic in our midst, plus the fact that I just attended a conference about preparing your heart for your future husband, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about relationships and marriages. 

I have wanted to write a post about relationships for a while now, but I felt unqualified because trusting God in this area of my life is one of the top things I struggle with. From dating relationships to friendships, and everything in between, they just aren’t something I’m happy to release control of. Plus, I honestly had no idea what angle I wanted to take on this subject. However, last night as I was reading my Bible, God put a love story on my heart that I thought I would share (and it was found in the Genesis…the Old Testament is cool too, yall).

(Sidenote: Seriously girls, if you want to see some TRUE, UNCONDITIONAL love stories, put down the Nicholas Sparks and pick up the Bible. This is something that I’m learning right now and it’s incredible.)

Anyways, in Genesis 29 we see the story of Jacob and Rachel. God had led Jacob to Paddam-Aram and he had been staying with his uncle/Rachel’s father, Laban, for about a month now. I’m assuming during this month Jacob and Rachel became pretty close, because in verse 18 it says that Jacob was in love with Rachel and wanted to marry her. 

During this time period, there was a custom that said the man must give his future wife’s family a substantial gift to compensate for the loss of their daughter. However, Jacob didn’t have anything materialistic to offer Laban. But, because he desperately wanted to marry Rachel and loved her so much, he offered to work for Laban for SEVEN YEARS (kinda crazy seeing as a lot of marriages don’t even last that long). Laban agreed, and Jacob began his work without pay. In verse 20 (girls don’t miss this) it says that “Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him for a few days.” HOW PRECIOUS IS THAT? 

The seven years came to an end, and Jacob was ready and able to marry Rachel. However, there was a twist. When Jacob and Rachel were supposed to consummate their marriage, Laban brought Leah, Rachel’s older sister, to Jacob instead of Rachel! Jacob woke up in the morning to find that he had actually slept with Leah instead of Rachel (talk about a surprise). Needless to say, he was pretty mad. After questioning Laban about why he did this, Laban explained that the younger daughter (Rachel) could not be married until the older daughter (Leah) had been married as well. But, Laban explained, if you really want to marry Rachel, you can work SEVEN MORE YEARS for her. And you know what? He stayed and worked seven more years. 

So basically, long story short, Jacob loved Rachel so much that he spent fourteen years of his life working in order for her to finally be his wife. Talk about a crazy kid in love. I look at this story and I see how Jacob worked for her, pursued her, and showed her how much she was worth by giving up so much of his life for her. But then, I look at the majority of relationships now, and they look nothing like this.

I feel like so often, we just decide to settle. (I could be wrong, but I know this applies to girls and I have a suspicion that it might apply to guys too).  We don’t expect to be treated the way that Jacob treated Rachel. We settle for people who refuse to define the relationship, treat us like we’re the second best, are so on-again off-again that we have no idea where the relationship stands the majority of the time. As Christians, we settle for people who don’t lead us towards God and don’t work hard to protect our purity. Why do we do this? I think it’s because we think we have no other option. 

THAT’S NOT TRUE.

I’m not saying that we have to wait for someone who will spend fourteen years working for us, but I am saying we need to wait for someone who will show us that we’re worthy of intentional pursuit, unconditional love, see value in us, genuinely care about us…the list goes on. And do you know who is going to give us someone like that? God. Are you going to find it aimlessly searching on your own? Nope.

 In Genesis 29, God was the one who brought Rachel and Jacob together. God is infinite, meaning He’s the same now as He was then. He brought Rachel and Jacob together, so that means he can bring me the guy that God has set apart to be my future husband, and he can bring you your future spouse too. Why are we settling on dating and possibly marrying people who we KNOW don’t treat us the way God would want them to? 

What I’ve found that I need to do to prevent this situation is stop trying to play matchmaker. I need to stop trying to force things to happen and stop trying to prevent things from happening. I need to trust that God has a plan for my life, and when HIS timing is right, He’s going to bring me the person He has planned for me.

God has already written the ultimate love story when He sent Jesus to die on the cross for us. With those credentials, I would much rather put down the pen and let Him write the love story for my life.  

-Taylor

#NoFilter

A few weeks ago, I began a daily devotional that I really love. However, a few days ago, when I turned the page to find out today’s devotion would be studying the creation story, I guess you could say I was a little less than thrilled.

Don’t get me wrong, I think the creation story is really awesome. I believe in it 110%. But, like most Christians who are raised in the church, I could have recited the creation story by second grade at the latest. Plus, I just took an Old Testament class at Clemson where we did an in-depth study of Genesis. I wasn’t really up for another repetitive reading on how God created the Earth. However, I’m SO glad that I went ahead and did the devotion because I’m seeing the first few chapters of Genesis in an entirely new light.

Here’s the play-by-play on what God created on those first few days:

Day 1: the Heavens and the Earth, day and night

Day 2: the sky
Day 3: the land, the seas, plants and trees
Day 4: the moon and the sun
Day 5: creatures of the sea and birds
Day 6: wild animals, livestock, Humans
Day 7: He rested

Pretty basic stuff, right?

As I was reading over the devotional, I began thinking about the time it took for God to create each thing. It took God one day to create the land, which includes forests, deserts, beaches, mountains…everything. Every time I see a stunning sunset (especially those in Clemson) or an awe-inspiring mountain range, all I can think of is that I’m looking at God’s masterpiece. I think about how much time and thought had to have gone into creating something so beautiful.  

But the thing is, the Bible says that God spent the same amount of time creating US that he did creating the mountains or the sun. Actually, I believe God spent MORE time and was more intentional in creating us than he was in creating anything else on this earth. In Genesis 1:27, it says that “God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them.” First off, God didn’t create anything else in His own image, only humans. In my opinion, I think that shows how much God loves us. He took the time to create us from HIS own image instead of simply saying “let there be humans” and then it was so. No, a lot more time and energy was spent that that. Psalm 139:13 says that God “formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” According to Luke 12:7, even the hairs on our head are numbered.  I think that God creating us was full of very calculated movements; our personality, our appearance, our emotions, and our entire life were very precisely planned.

Where I’m going with this is that everything God creates is his masterpiece. It is so easy for us to look at a white sandy beach with crystal clear waters or snow-capped mountains and say “Oh wow. God’s creation is beautiful.” We Instagram the landscape pictures with the caption that reads “God’s creation doesn’t need a filter.” But then, when we look in the mirror, all we see are flaws. We use filters to cover up that one blemish or to make ourselves seem more attractive. We don’t think about the time, energy or thought that went into creating us.

I’m willing to bet that if God had an Instagram, he would be posting pictures of His sons and daughters instead of landscapes. The pictures would be of all of us naturally- no makeup, no hair straighteners, no plastic surgery- with the caption “#NoFilter” because He sees US as the masterpieces He’s most proud of.

-Taylor

Wherever you would call me

Without a doubt, the song “Oceans” by Hillsong is one of my favorite worship songs. It’s great because it has a powerful message behind it, not to mention the vocals in this song are incredible. I get excited every time I hear those first few seconds of the song at church or FCA because I know some great worship is coming our way. Long story short, I am a big fan of this song.

The first time I heard this song, the phrase that is repeated multiple times throughout the song really stood out to me. It instantly became my prayer and wish:

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without boarders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.” 

That truly is what I wanted. I wanted my faith in God to be drastically increased and I wanted to grow in deeper devotion to him. I didn’t want to hesitate when giving him every area of my life because I trusted Him without limits or conditions. I didn’t want to be afraid of Him leading me somewhere outside of my comfort zone because I knew my faith would increase in the process. That’s why I was drawn to this song so much! It summed up exactly what I wanted and was worded perfectly. 

Well, God heard and answered my prayer alright, but not exactly in the way I was expecting. Looking back on it, while praying this, I was expecting Him to lead me to an internship in Haiti, to work at a summer camp, or to share my faith with someone new. I was already okay with doing these things, so subconsciously I just assumed God’s plan would align with mine instead of the other way around.

As it turns out, God decided to increase my trust in a different way. I felt God was calling me to make a decision that I wasn’t wanting to make; but, I wanted to trust him, so I did it. I thought that after making that particular choice, things were going to get easier for me. Instead, I had a rude awakening. Since I’m being honest here, the route He decided to take was one I without a doubt hated. I was stressed, frustrated, upset, and quite frankly pretty mad about it. I found myself asking God why He had asked me to make that decision because it just didn’t make sense to me. Let’s be real, I was throwing a hissy fit in my mind that was directed towards God. 

Throughout this temper tantrum that was becoming my prayer life, I kept hearing God tell me that in the end, this was all going to be worth it. He was saying that He knows what’s best for me and He knows what’s in store for my future, when I don’t have a clue. Thankfully, my irrationality only lasted about two weeks (although I’m ashamed it lasted that long), but finally I chose to believe what God was telling me. He knew that this decision was the one thing that I hadn’t surrendered over to Him yet, and it needed to become His. 

Now, I’ve realized that God was right the entire time and I was simply being stubborn. The decision he called me to make was ultimately in my best interest, even though I couldn’t see it at the time. Plus, as an added bonus, he was increasing my faith in Him along the way. Because I went through that period, I learned so much and I can’t even explain to you how much I’ve grown in just a few short weeks.  

I know I was pretty vague about the decision I had to make, but that’s not the part of this story I want to focus on. This is a pretty recent experience, something I’m still processing and learning from. But so far, here’s what I’ve been able to gather:

• God knows what is best for your present and knows what’s best for your future. TRUST THAT. (but really, don’t think that the plan you have in your head is better than God’s because I can go ahead and tell you that it isn’t.) *Ephesians 3:20*

•  Don’t be conditional. By saying this, I mean don’t ask God to transform you to be more like Jesus, but then say He can only do so through ways in which you approve. It doesn’t
  and shouldn’t work like that. (again, refer to point #1)

• It’s okay to wonder why things are happening, but don’t question God’s intentions. He loves you more than anyone on this Earth, and He’s going to work things together for your good.

• You only have an earthly perspective, which has its limitations. You can see your perspective on your present and past. However, God sees how circumstances and events are going to impact your future, and also how they are going to bring glory to Him.

After all, bringing glory to Him is what it’s all about, right?

-Taylor